Cambridge English: Proficiency
Check out students' answers to Flo-Joe's CPE Writing tasks with a teacher's feedback
Writing Class: Essay
Task Type: Essay
Question
Read the two texts below.
Write an essay summarising and evaluating the key points from both texts. Use your own words throughout as far as possible and include your own ideas in your answers.
| Raising the Bar or School Sports The National Sports Academy is running a series of workshops aimed at encouraging more teenagers to get involved in sport. The workshops are for teachers and will look at how to promote the numerous benefits of physical exercise and team sports to school pupils. 'Exercise helps to maintain a stable weight, strengthen bones and reduces the risk of stress-related illnesses.' explained Tim Collins, the Academy Director. 'Aside from health benefits taking part in competitive sports gives teenagers a chance to experience the highs and lows of a competition, as well as instilling discipline, responsibility and commitment - all valuable life skills.' |
| Sport Seen as Uncool teenagers are spending less time on physical exercise because they find it deeply 'uncool', according to a survey of teachers and pupils. The problem is most prevalent amongst older teenagers. Girls are uncomfortable about sharing sports classes with boys and avoid swimming lessons because of a fear that it will spoil their hairstyles. And both sexes were scathing in the survey about the unfashionable PE uniform that had to be worn. The choice of sports available was also too limited. Teachers said they would like to see codes for sports kits relaxed, single sex physical education classes and a wider range of activities to combat the decline in activity. |
Write the essay. (around 240 - 280 words)
Makeover: Petra
Read Petra's answer to this question below. Try correcting the piece of writing yourself first: use the marking codes to think about what might be wrong (or what's good) about the piece of work. Then when you're ready, click the green buttons in the text for our feedback.
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The positive impact sport has on every person’s life has never been doubted. School sport has long been part of the curriculum. Lately, however, it seems to be viewed
negatively
upon -
The first text argues that something needs to be done to make physical education more attractive. Not only does physical fitness keep weight under control, but it also promotes resilience in an individual faced with stress. Further, the first extract puts forward the notion that sport competitions are beneficial for pupils, promoting “life skills” such as working hard for a goal and committing to a cause. The second text is complementary to the first in the sense that it supports the argument that teenagers do not spend enough time doing sports. It also gives reasons for the pupils’ lack of enthusiasm towards sport activities. They are said to be “uncool” as the pupils complain about not having enough time to do their hair after classes and to have to wear “unfashionable PE underwear”. Gd I fully agree. It is necessary to exercise and to be fit. Unless a person is fit, he or she cannot perform well or copy WW |
Feedback
This is a very full and thoughtful answer to the question. Both texts have been summarised accurately and a view of your own has been provided. The essay has been written in a very engaging style which would have a positive effect on the reader.
Very clearly organised. An effective introduction and conclusion with a main body paragraph summarising the two texts. Cohesive devices have been used well to link ideas.
All in all a very well-written piece of work - virtually faultless! Excellent use of grammar and vocabulary to describe simple and more complex ideas.
Well done!
Marking Code
/\ Word(s) missing
- Omit word
C Capitalization
Gd Good
O Organisation
P Punctuation
PE Poorly expressed
R Register/Formality
SS Sentence Structure
S Spelling
T Tip
WF Wrong form
WO Word order
WT Wrong tense
WW Wrong word