Check out students' answers to Flo-Joe's CPE Writing tasks with a teacher's feedback
Question
You are looking through the alumni newsletter of a school that you once attended and you see the following announcement:
What are your best and worst school memories? Write in and tell us and we will publish the most interesting articles in our next newsletter. |
Write the article for the editor of the alumni newsletter. (around 280 - 320 words)
Read Kyung's answer to this question below. Try correcting the piece of writing yourself first: use the marking codes to think about what might be wrong (or what's good) about the piece of work. Then when you're ready, click the green buttons in the text for our feedback.
My best and worst school memories It is not a closely-guarded secret, but school was more about suffering than joy for me. But when I have to recall my best and worst experience in school, there are two events, which left a significant imprint on me. Gd The most intensive experience I made WW My best memory is of the time when we had a soccer match against another school outside our hometown. We were all full of tension and willing WW There are many memories I have stored in mind, but those two are the most valuable events of my school career. |
Content
A very full and thoughtful answer to the question. You have provided an interesting account of your best and worst memories. You've also included a title, which is good practice with an article.
Communicative Achievement
You've written this in an engaging style. The introduction creates interest and leaves the reader wanting to know more. You describe your experiences really well and the audience would enjoy reading the article.
Organisation
It is organised clearly and with a logical progression. Paragraphs are used effectively and linking words and discourse markers help the reader follow your train of thought.
Language
In terms of use of English, this is a very well-written article, Kyung. Good use of language to create an engaging piece of writing and which has enabled you to express simple and more complex ideas. Make a note of the corrections above, of course, most of which are vocabulary-based.
Well done!
/\ Word(s) missing
- Omit word
C Capitalization
Gd Good
O Organisation
P Punctuation
PE Poorly expressed
R Register/Formality
SS Sentence Structure
S Spelling
T Tip
WF Wrong form
WO Word order
WT Wrong tense
WW Wrong word